Mama Spaghetti

What having ants in your pants can tell you about yourself

by Mama Spaghetti at http://spaghettiwesterner.blogspot.com

There are lots of descriptions of me floating around out there.  I've called myself a devoted, long-winded, sarcastic, whisk-wielding housewife.  A fellow blogger described me as someone who has a sleep crawling baby and hides in the bathroom with her laptop.  My Twitter account says I'm a wife and mother with time for cloth diapers and a blog, but not always a shower.  None of them really capture the essence of me, though, you know?  I wouldn't bottle any of them and call it “Eau De Mama Spaghetti.”  Besides, who would buy something with a name like that?

Anyway, it's hard for me to tell people about myself.  I never really know what to say.  Hard to believe, I know. So, instead, I thought I'd share a story to help you get to know me. 

Shortly after my husband and I started dating, he invited me to go on a fishing trip with him and his dad. We drove to their favorite fishing hole, which just so happened to be almost two hours away from the little town where we lived.  It's the desert; water isn't abundant.

We're not talking two hours on the freeway.  By the time the truck bounced its way to the pond down the windy, dirt roads, kicking up clouds of powdery dust that looked like the kind that comes off chalkboard erasers when you clap them together, I was feeling more than a little bit woozy.

Then came the fishing.  The thing about this particular spot is that the fishing is better if you wade out into the water to get to the deeper pools.  Unfortunately, we were one pair of waders short, and I wasn't about to take my chances wading in bare-legged.  There were cows nearby that I was pretty sure bathed (or worse) in that water.

“Go ahead!” I said to my then-boyfriend.  “I don't mind watching for a while.  I'll take a turn later.” 

Sure enough, after I'd heard, “Just one more cast,” and, “Let me just try this spot over here real quick,” more times than I'd like to remember, my turn wading in the pond never came.  It was like the old-timers say, “I did a lot of fishing, just not a lot of catching.”

Then it was time to load back into the truck.  We were sitting three across in the seat of the pick-up: I was sandwiched between my husband and his father with the shifter stick placed awkwardly between my knees.  When we got back to the paved road, I breathed a sigh of relief that we were nearing our destination – only 45 minutes or so to go.

All the sudden, I felt a sharp pain in the inside of my *very* upper, right thigh.  I took a deep breath and looked down at my lap. 

“What in the heck?” I thought. Then I felt it again.  Now there was no doubt in my mind; there was definitely something biting me. 

“So,” my future-father-in-law was saying to me, “You think you want to study political science?”

“I've, uh...I've always been really interested in law,” I managed to say while my mind was racing trying to figure out what to do about the pest in my pants.  I continued to blather on about my future plans of grandeur and success.  I don't know exactly what I said, because all I could think was something like this:

OW! This is so incredibly painful. What should I do?  It's not like I can reach down there and discretely rearrange my pants.  There's no way it won't look like I'm scratching my crotch.  I'm sitting arm to arm with this man.  This very intimidating. stern. leather-faced man who would most definitely not...


OW! Ok, ok.  I have to do something. But what?  Oh crap, he's asking me a question about college.  Think,think, think.  How many miles do we have left.  Am I smiling? I think I'm smiling.  I'm trying to smile.  I just want him to like me.


OW! I mean, I might want to marry this man's son someday.  I don't want him looking at me on my wedding day thinking, “That's that girl who just couldn't stop scratching herself that..”


OW!  Maybe I should ask him to pull the truck over.  So I can...what, drop my drawers in front of this man I hardly know?

When we pulled into my driveway, I don't think I've ever moved faster in my life.  I tried to be polite and thanked them for the wonderful trip.  Yes, I'd had so much fun.  Of course, we should do it again!  I'll call you very soon.  Once I was in the house, I raced into my bathroom.  I stripped down to my undies and shook my pants violently.  Sure enough, this little black ant fell out of one pant leg and onto the floor.  I grabbed my shoe and took more pleasure than I should admit in smashing the little bugger into ant soup. 

I hopped into the shower and let the lukewarm water run over my body.  “Next time,” I thought, “I'm bringing my own damn waders.”

There's a few things I learned about myself that day.  I'm willing to do a lot for the people I care about.  I am probably the most polite passive person in the world (I'm a self-professed people pleaser), and I should learn to speak up.  And, most importantly, I must be a hopeless romantic if even ants in my pants can't can't deter me from true love.



Judges Comments:

"LMAO! This sounds like something I would do. I love the story, and how it really gives us an inside view of who you are. And the pictures say a lot about you too."
-Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream

"Your post is full of authenticity and really helps the reader to get a feel for you even in awkward situations.

I did find it a bit difficult to read though as it seemed incredibly long. I would suggest using header titles to break up such a lengthy post.

Great use of graphics."
-Allison, from SVALLIE.NET: The Nerd Connection

"I agree with Allison that breaking up a longer post like that is a good idea. The content itself: wonderful. I was thinking the same things you said about yourself at the end before I got to the end (if that makes sense) lol. The images were well used and well in taste. Good job! "
-The Dude, from The Daddyyo Blog