Roni (aka “Mommy in Law”) is a California girl currently living the Ohio dream. She has a job, a car and a messy house. She has a husband and two long term house guests (to whom she gave birth). Roni is a connoisseur of fine chocolate and wine (favoring plain M&Ms and whatever Trader Joe’s has on special). In her spare time, she enjoys sleeping and bathing.
Lisa (aka “Mama Spaghetti”) is an Ivy League graduate turned housewife living in the world of cowboys, miners, and casinos: Nevada. Just in case her husband and baby didn’t keep her busy enough, she bought a 1960s house complete with sea foam green shag carpeting as a DIY remodel project. She uses ice cream and mojitos to help her finally come to terms with the fact that it will be at least another decade until she gets to sleep past 7:00 a.m. Let’s tune in to their conversation...
Roni: Hi Lisa. What did you do over the weekend?
Lisa: Oh not much; just tried to figure out what to do with a toddler when it’s 104 degrees out and he refuses to stay inside. I pretty much exhausted body painting with Otter Pops and letting him drink out of dirty puddles in the driveway as options.
Roni: I usually have the opposite problem! What to do with kids who’ve been held hostage in the house for 3 snow days straight! After we’ve baked every boxed cake/cookie/brownie mix in the house and rolled and frozen our matzah balls for Passover 2012, we move on to making paper lunch bag puppets followed by watching Diary of a Wimpy Kid on DVD for the 25th time in two days. Eventually, I bundle them up, toss them out into the waist-high snow and tell them to go forage for dinner.
Lisa: I feel your pain. I don’t know how you do it all. I was wondering, with working all week, what do you do on the weekends?
Roni: Well, I guess I do laundry, clean the house, and go grocery shopping. If I get super motivated, I’ll get crazy and put some of the clothes on hangers instead of leaving them in the bins and perhaps scrape some stickers off the floor. If I want to really mix things up, I might throw away some of the unidentifiable produce collecting mold in the refrigerator produce drawers.
Lisa: Wow, I applaud you for actually buying fruit and vegetables. Do you cook?
Roni: I really enjoy cooking on occasion. I mean, I cook everyday, but only enjoy it on occasion. They all want different things and it’s never the thing that I have prepared. I run out of ideas. I actually have an appointment with a psychic later this afternoon. I’m hoping she can tell me what I'm making for dinner tonight.
There’s so much pressure with dinner! All my kids want to know from the moment they get home is "when's dinner?" I tell them over and over: "You'll know it's ready when you see smoke. Until then, go stare at the TV set like other normal kids your age."
Lisa: I know how you feel. If it’s not the kids, it’s the husband. Why can’t mothers just get some peace once in a while?
Roni: As my mother used to so eloquently say, “You’ll have peace when you’re dead.” Speaking of husbands, what annoys you most about your husband? If you can pick just one thing.
Lisa: If my husband were a super hero, his power would be not noticing when things are messy. Take his inability to put dishes in the dishwasher for example. It doesn't matter if the sink is full and the dishwasher is empty, or if the sink is empty and the dishwasher is full, or if it's a full moon on Friday the 13th. All his dishes go on the counter. I still have hope that someday he’ll learn how to load a dishwasher (or switch to paper plates). You’re lucky you’ve got older kids around. Do you have any tips on getting your kids to help you with housework?
Roni: Excuse me for a second, I just choked on my beverage. Children are innately lazy and get lazier with age. Nothing will get done unless you offer cold hard cash or threaten violence. I’ve found that in a pinch, the offer of 6 month old Halloween candy can work too. Seriously, I can’t even get these kids to clean up their own garbage, let alone the rest of the family’s. I swear, I hate housework so much, I once offered my cleaning lady triple her normal rate if she just would reconsider her decision to retire. I would rather get a root canal than scrub the shower. What chores do you hate most?
Lisa: My least favorite has to be filling up the car with gas. Grocery shopping takes second place. Maybe that’s a sign that I’m actually just too lazy to leave my house. I don’t know what I’m going to do once my kid is old enough that I have to do things like take him to school. I wonder if anyone will care if I go in my bathrobe and slippers. It seems like it gets easier when they start school, but I’m not so sure. What’s the worst part of having school-aged children?
Roni: First of all, there’s the school bus. Nothing good ever happens on the bus. This is where the kids learn their first curse words, learn how to bully each other, and learn how to steal. It’s really quite an education in and of itself. Then there’s the 1 hour of homework per kid each night. It seems that someone decided that we need to keep up with the Chinese (or is it the Japanese?) because we’re so ignorant (or is it stupid?). So, the schools now pile on the homework for our little angels, which they in turn expect us to do for them. Sadly, we can’t even do our 1st grader’s math problems without a calculator. Instead of admitting to our babies that we’re dumb, we say to ask Daddy, because he’s better in math. How’s your math? Before your baby, did you have a career where you had to do math?
Lisa: For a while I caught frogs as part of a research thing. Turns out, wading up to my armpits in gooey mud that smells like death isn’t as rewarding as one might think. So, I got a job working in marketing for an environmental nonprofit, despite the fact that I have absolutely no marketing background. Someone obviously didn’t read my resume very closely. What do you like or dislike most about your career?
Roni: I like getting paid for being bossy and mean (whereas I do it at home for free). As for what I dislike? Meeting someone at a cocktail party who wants to know if I’d be willing to listen to the facts of his fender bender and soft tissue injury and estimate a settlement value (just for kicks). Also, it bugs me when people ask me to get them out of jury duty or speeding tickets. One guy kept asking me over and over again. Finally, I told him: “Dude, I married you for better or for worse, NOT for getting your ass out of speeding tickets!”
Speaking of marriage, if you could go back and be single and childless for a day, what would you do?
Lisa: I’d go on a zip-line. Did you know they won’t let you take babies on those things? It was a huge disappointment on our last vacation. I had my Baby Bjorn and everything. I’d also go to a day-spa, read an entire magazine without getting interrupted, and use the bathroom without an audience.
I’d skip the whole being single thing, though. I tell my husband that even if it weren’t for that whole “’til death do us part” thing, he still never has to worry about me divorcing him because there’s no way I’m going through dating again. One time, I brought up macaroni and cheese on a date, and the guy responded in disgust that he has never and would never eat such a thing because it’s “below his standards.” I hate to break it to you buddy, but if that’s the case, then so am I!
Roni: Sounds like you got fixed up with some high-quality men. So did I. I remember one date where the guy just kept honking the horn until I came out. He had a German Shepherd sitting in the front seat. He asked if I’d mind sitting in back since his dog likes to ride shotgun. I had another blind date that was going horribly, but I didn’t realize until dessert that I had already gone out with him and rejected him once before! I started to get a little concerned about losing my memory, but was relieved to know that I’d retained my high standards.
Well, that’s all we have time for today, folks. Join us next time on Coffee Talk, when Roni and Lisa discuss hiding the dents in their cars from their husbands, new and clever ways to conceal the post-baby muffin top, and those b*tches on the PTA.
http://www.mommyinlaw.com/
http://www.spaghettiwesterner.blogspot.com/
Judges Comments:
"I really enjoyed reading this! I liked the way that it was more conversational, vs. being question - answer - question - answer. It seemed like you had a basic knowledge of each other's backgrounds to start with and that made the questions more interesting for the reader. The images were good too - not too big or distracting. Also, I didn't get the feel that either one of you dominated the conversation more than the other. Great work! "
Amy, from Non-Stop Mom
"LMAO... thanks for the near death experience when I read "One guy kept asking me over and over again. Finally, I told him: “Dude, I married you for better or for worse, NOT for getting your ass out of speeding tickets!”" I seriously choked on my drink....lol. You guys should consider doing this on your blogs here and there. It was very entertaining to read! It was long, but once I got into it, I didn't even realize it! "
Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream
"I liked how this flowed more like a conversation, rather than a question-answer session. I think there was a nice, casual flow to this and I felt that it was equal between the two sides. The content was easy to relate to as well."
Kim, from Mamas Monologues
"I enjoyed this, you ladies are FUNNY. The flow was natural and easy going, answer question, question for an answer. Great format, and I do find myself intrigued enough to go have a look at their blogs.
It was a very balanced interview, in that both had as much to say as each other. This was a fun read!"
Alison, from Mama Wants This!
http://www.mommyinlaw.com/
http://www.spaghettiwesterner.blogspot.com/
Judges Comments:
"I really enjoyed reading this! I liked the way that it was more conversational, vs. being question - answer - question - answer. It seemed like you had a basic knowledge of each other's backgrounds to start with and that made the questions more interesting for the reader. The images were good too - not too big or distracting. Also, I didn't get the feel that either one of you dominated the conversation more than the other. Great work! "
Amy, from Non-Stop Mom
"LMAO... thanks for the near death experience when I read "One guy kept asking me over and over again. Finally, I told him: “Dude, I married you for better or for worse, NOT for getting your ass out of speeding tickets!”" I seriously choked on my drink....lol. You guys should consider doing this on your blogs here and there. It was very entertaining to read! It was long, but once I got into it, I didn't even realize it! "
Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream
"I liked how this flowed more like a conversation, rather than a question-answer session. I think there was a nice, casual flow to this and I felt that it was equal between the two sides. The content was easy to relate to as well."
Kim, from Mamas Monologues
"I enjoyed this, you ladies are FUNNY. The flow was natural and easy going, answer question, question for an answer. Great format, and I do find myself intrigued enough to go have a look at their blogs.
It was a very balanced interview, in that both had as much to say as each other. This was a fun read!"
Alison, from Mama Wants This!
"I agree with the above comments, very funny, witty comments and I could see the two of you bantering away like this for some time to come. I wonder if you should take your act on the road (or at least a regular piece on your blogs). It was a balanced interview and the transitions flowed nicely!"
Chris, from Dad of Divas
Chris, from Dad of Divas