Count the Similarities

I have a cool job.

Those of you following my blog may have learned through the course of reading it that I am a television news producer at a national financial network. Naturally when I tell people, they are curious. They want to know the behind-the-scenes gossip. "What is so-and-so like off camera?"

I am lying to them. Kind of.

That's because I am a vampire. Yes... a vampire. Mwahaha.

I am a producer... but for The Count. That's right... THE Count. As in, Count von Count on Sesame Street. As in, this guy:

So yes, I work in television. And yes, I work in news, in that I am providing essential information in an interesting way and with a certain, shall we say, spin. And being that my portion of the show involves counting, I consider that financial.

Let me tell you, it is a pleasure to work with The Count. He needs very little hand holding. Requires very little research. He's just that good. Trust me, I have worked with prima donnas and jerks. I could tell you stories about Count Chocula that will make you switch to Franken Berry in a heartbeat. The guy's a nightmare. Literally.

We won an Emmy for this

The Count and I just jive together. We're always looking for new and interesting ways to present the content. Using the organ in his castle to reveal the number of the day? My idea. I was also the one who said we should work with Cookie Monster and try to count apples as he's eating them. The end result was TV magic.

When we're done taping for the day, and I'm back at my desk. I immediately cool down my lunch (usually something raw that's leftover from what I prepared for dinner the night before.) Then I call my wife, the Old Bat.

Rare photo of me & Old Bat: Halloween 2002

The Old Bat works full time at a local college... the Vampire College of New York. And she's totally turned that place around. Since she took over as head of student affairs, NTDs are way down (that's neck-transmitted diseases). She says it's all about educating the students to use protection if they're going to bite each other. They try to promote abstinence too, but let's be honest: how many horny vampires given the freedom at college for the first time are really going to abstain from biting?

She's now tackling the problem of prowling and preying on the human students at NYU and Columbia. Because there are few things a young mischievous vampire loves more than wide-eyed liberal student blood. So sweet and idealistic.

In the course of our conversation this particular day, the Old Bat tells me she had received a call from the peanut's daycare. One of the teachers called her to report an "incident." An incident of biting. We were so proud. And at the same time, a little sad and disappointed. We had missed her first bite.

Apparently, another boy wanted to play with a toy hearse she was playing with. When he went to grab it, the peanut flashed her fangs and sank them into his arm.

When I shared this story with The Count he shouted, "One! One bite from the peanut. Mwahaha!"

Just remember: you and I - human and vampires - aren't that different after all: 

I get up before dawn and go to work in the dark. (I work an early shift.)

I spend a lot of time every day with zombies (me and my sleepy fellow commuters on the bus and train.)

At twilight I roam the Earth with an imposing, dark-haired beast. (I walk my dog, Luna.)

I am a slave to my family’s unending thirst and hunger. (I do the food shopping and cooking.)

My family has an aversion to water. (We all despise bath time.)

See? Vampires are people too.

Click here to read my reaction to the peanut's REAL "biting incident."


Judges Comments:

"I guess there are a lot of similarities between the vamps and humans when you break it down like that. I like the humor that you worked in and the "first bite" story for the peanut was a nice touch of human characteristics built into the vamp angle."
Random Girl, from Random Girl Blog

"Bravo! Love how you took a typical day in the life and turned it into a not so typical day. Or was it typical? Hard to tell. Guess our lives aren't that different.

Oh, with the exception that you eat people and I eat pizza. Oh well, win some lose some.

Great job"
The Dude, from The DaddyYo Blog

"I really liked how you were able to tie this in with your real life job. And the first bite story? Priceless! The comparisons at the end were a nice touch as well. Nice work! "
Amy, from Non-Stop Mom