Someday You'll Ride A Bull

www.martinisandminivans.com

Dear Younger Self,

I rode a mechanical bull this weekend for the first time in our life.  At 38 years old, I decided that it was time to let it all go and ride the bull.  I got on that bull, filled with confidence and a strong intent to look sexy, and proceeded to ride it…for exactly nine seconds.  And those nine seconds were neither sexy, nor impressive.  Those nine seconds were filled with me looking like an ass and holding on for dear life as my girlfriends cheered me on and told me I was awesome.

That’s the difference between you and I.  Right now, you wouldn’t go on that bull.  Not because you don’t secretly want to, but because you don’t have those girlfriends cheering you on and making you realize that it is ok to look like an idiot – that people will still like you, and even love you for it.

Right now, you are very focused on making sure the “right” girls like you.  You are wishing you could buy Guess jeans, and hoping that your mother lets you cut the necks off your Champion sweatshirts.  You'll join the cheerleading squad, not because you actually want to, but because that's what your friends told you to do.  You won't actually be very good, and usually end up wishing you were wearing pants or something warmer, but you'll still do it for a year because you think it's the right thing to do.

And even though you know that Jennifer Ferris is the nicest person in the ninth grade, you can’t be friends with her because the most popular girl, Trish Cline, thinks that she is a dork.  Deep in your heart, you know that it’s wrong to be mean to Jennifer, and to treat her poorly, but your desire to fit in takes over and feels stronger.

You’re also feeling like there is no way your grandmother understands you, and you feel like you two will butt heads forever. You wonder if there will ever be a time when she treats you as an adult and stops snooping in your stuff.

And you’re feeling like if David Rice would just give you one look, one single look, that he would fall in love with you instantly.

I hate to tell you this, but you are wrong about everything.  But it’s ok, you’re supposed to be.  You don’t yet know that David Rice will actually turn out to be bald, fat, ugly and in jail for multiple drug uses. You don’t know yet that you will fall in love, maybe even a few times, but there will be only one that gives that look, and yes, he will fall in love with you instantly.

And you don’t know yet that your grandmother will be the person you miss most in the world when she passes.  That all those times you snapped at her for reading your journal, or sewing the holes in your ripped jeans were all leading up to a relationship like no other.  You don’t know yet that there will be a time when all you wish for is one more day together to play Scrabble.

And you don’t know yet that someday, when you leave the land of high school, you will realize that all those “dorky” girls are now beautiful – inside and out.  That you will treasure your friendships with them and learn that nice girls have much more fun than you ever gave them credit for.

And you will ride a bull.  You will ride it because you know that if you fall, your girls will be there to pick you up and make you laugh. 

So walk this road.  Make your mistakes and try to remember that there will always be a bull to ride on - you just have to find the right people who will pick you up and put you back on it when you fall.  And don't worry, you will.  In the meantime, enjoy those perky boobs you have now, you will definitely miss those later…

Love,

Your Older Self

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From the Judges:

Beautiful reflection. 

Several passages gave me chills as I read them, because they are the thoughts of every "regular" girl. I love that you valued those painful times for the lessons they taught, instead of simply dismissing them as a passing phase. 

I like how you came back around to the bull riding. I wondered what the purpose of that anecdote was at the beginning, and when it came back around it made me smile. (A style much like my own.)
-The Lucky Mom

This is just wonderful! Simply wonderful, sweet and poignant all wrapped into one post explaining why you should be yourself and how one day, you will be yourself. Well done!
-I Need A Playdate

This is excellent. I really liked what you had to say to your younger self and that you were willing to admit to your mistakes - which is something that so many people will never do. Excellent work.

Oh, and the mechanical bull? Yeah, totally jealous.
-Non-Stop Mom

This was fantastic! Well said and no spelling errors that jumped out at me. I am too lazy to go back and actually search for any, so you win there. Ahh, if we could only actually read this when we were teens.... I am totally hoping for that Time Machine to be fixed!
-Freetail Therapy

Excellent. This sort of uplifting, introspective writing seems to be one of your strong suits. The writing is sincere and heartfelt, and right as I was starting to feel heavy with emotion, you lightened the mood just enough to send me off feeling good. So often when reading blogs, I feel like I missed something and have to go back to clarify, but this post ended with a clean break. Well done.
-From the Bungalow

Oh the things we don't know when we are young. My only critique is the second to last paragraph seems a little awkward and unnecessary. Seems a little repetitive with the last one. Other than that I really liked it.
-Daddy's in Charge?

Love the post! I like how you showed that the important things in high school may not turn out to be that important in the long run. I guess we all wish we had known better, right? Great job!
-Bay Area Mommy

Great job on the assignment. Great metaphor about riding the bull. Very good work.
-SooperDad Blog of Awesomeness

Loved it! And, I second Ice Cream Mama - I could have written this to myself...well, except for the perky boobs part. I'm still waiting for those to come in. But hey, at least now I know it's not the big deal teenage me thought it was. You did a great job! Really enjoyed this...and so jealous you got to ride a mechanical bull!
-Wildflowers & Whimsy

Lovely. I think we were similar people in high school. A lot of this resonated with me very deeply, and I can honestly say that this was your absolute best post of the entire competition. Thoughtful, touching, and honest. I loved the way you admit to those mistakes of your past and how you knew even then that they were mistakes. 
You definitely met the criteria here. Wonderful job! Good luck!
-Pinwheels & Poppies

This was amazing. This was so amazing it could be a John Hughes movie. While stories like this maybe have been told before, I think what makes this one so powerful is that people - myself included - and identify with it. I love this. I loved it for the honesty and the clarity, the pride, and the humor at the end. Bravo. (And I've never said "bravo" in my life.)
-Daddy Knows Less

Very nicely done.  I had two thoughts while reading this (well, two that I'm going to share right now).  1. This makes me want to give the mean cheerleader girls from high school a second chance before I write them off as terrible people.  (For the record, I was definitely a dork.)  2. This is the kind of post I would share with my teenage daughter (if I had a teenage daughter...or a daughter at all).

I really related to this piece, and I think many other people will relate to it, too.  It's been a pleasure to "get to know" you over the course of this competition.
-The Spaghetti Westerner

Loved this. Almost cried about Grandma. So true. And the part about the other kids--for sure (especially the hot guy turning fat and bald). Great job!
-Mommy in Law

This was great. There was tons of reflection, and you had the bull element that pulled the whole post together. I've read a lot of these 'Letters to my younger self" and I don't think I've seen any that have impressed me this much. Good job lady!
-Tessa Taboo

Very well done! I am actually prompted to write a letter to myself now! I hope this piece was as cathartic for you as I read it to be.
-Red Vines & Red Wine

From the Peer Judges:

This was great. This is something I would say to my younger self, minus perky boobs. We all hit that point in adulthood where we wish we would know then what we know now. This embodies that point and I love this. Fantastic job.
-Manderstanding

I liked the reflectiveness of your post. It's so true that we sometimes take for granted those we're closest to and shun people we really like for people we're *supposed* to like. I feel like there were a bit too many sentences started with "And you" - this might be just because I read the "Things I Can't Tell My Daughter" post where you did the "She'll never know" thing (which I think worked).
-The Mother Freakin' Princess

I loved this--I think we were the same person in high school! This, too, should be required reading for all high schoolers--not that they'll get it. I really related to everything you said, and it made me glad to have left my teenage years behind me.
-Crazed in the Kitchen

Love this. I felt like you were talking directly to me. Totally identified with both with the young insecure you and your older, wiser self. Well-written, insightful, touching. Great post.
-Ice Scream Mama

This was beautiful and melancholy, just the way I like practically everything. Your older self is pretty smart.
-Edward Hotspur

Very relatable and honest and funny. Every teen could benefit from this kind of advice.
-Dad & Buried