Three and Up is Better Than Two

I spent the first two weeks of my life in a clinic in Taipei, Taiwan, charming the doctor and all the nurses with my adorable face and sweet temperament. (But what else is new?) On the fifteenth day, I was brought home by the man and woman I still call Dad and Mom. Neat, huh? I’ve always thought so. Within the last twenty-three years, I’ve been joined by two younger brothers and a sister. Dad has sisters and cousins who have since fostered and adopted children themselves. I was a nanny for four adopted Chinese children and I tutored a boy who was adopted from Brazil.

So I guess you could say adoption’s in my blood. Even as children, my brother and I knew that was how you got babies. In fact, our version of playing house meant knocking on invisible doors and calling out with outstretched arms, “Doctor, do you have any babies? Okay, give us all your babies.” 

James, David, and Chess

I love the meaning of adoption so much that it’s very difficult for me when I hear or read about, watch shows about or meet people who have seen doctor upon doctor and tried med after med in order to get pregnant, but when it doesn't work, they ultimately decide if they can’t have children who are genetically linked to them, they won’t have children at all. I know it’s not fair to get upset about it, because I don’t know the couple’s entire story, but I can’t help but view it as selfish and take it almost personally, because I worry about the kids that won’t have a home because of that decision.

I mean, my own parents struggled with having their own children (hence the four subsequent adoptions), but when I was nine, my mom finally got pregnant. Our family’s elation was short-lived, and we were devastated when Mom miscarried at five months. What if that miscarriage had happened before they adopted? What if the discouragement had been enough that they decided not to adopt and to stay childless for the rest of their lives? What would my life be like now? Where would my brothers and sister be now? Not only that, what about our birth parents who were praying for a miracle? I’m upsetting myself just thinking about it.

David and Leemin

This is not to say that the process of adoption is an easy fix to an incredibly difficult problem. It will mostly likely be a stressful journey full of uncertainty, requiring agonizing patience. But adoption is ultimately a means to an end—becoming a parent, and parenting is not an easy journey.

If you do decide to adopt, maybe you’ll be blessed with a dream child, maybe you won’t. Perhaps it won’t even work out the first few times you bring a child home. You may have to try some on for size before you find the right fit for your needs and for the child’s needs. My own parents had to do the same before they found me. And even then, there’ll be difficult times, anger and misunderstandings, sometimes therapy.

Furthermore, there will be the long days, weeks, and years where you will just give and give and give, feeling like, no matter what you do, you’re doing a terrible job or that you’re receiving nothing in return (and maybe that feeling never goes away). But you won't be alone in that feeling, because honestly, that just comes with the territory of being parents, whether or not your child is your flesh and blood. Again, adoption isn’t for everybody. But it could be for you. You could be the miracle somebody’s praying for, and you might get the miracle that you are looking for to fill that empty space in your family.

So think about it—Maybe you’ve met with every specialist and tried every pill, procedure, practice, and position (my parents got a whole chart of those from one doctor) to get that little baby who has his mother’s eyes and his father’s chin. But if that path is still not leading you to where you want to be and your hearts are still empty, please keep them open for a little while longer and consider going in a new direction, because—coming from someone who knows a little bit about adoption—It’s worth it to TRY.

I know I’ll always be grateful.

Mom, Chess, and Dad (USU Class of 2011)

If you want to know my whole in-depth adoption story, 

follow my life story serial at http://chezprez.blogspot.com


Or if you'd like to contribute to another's work-in-progress adoption story,
read this post.


Judges Comments:

"Adoption is a beautiful thing. i know many people who have been greatly blessed for making that decision. You have a great story and it's great to see you've gone on to help others.

a great post! i ejoyed reading :) "
Erica, from Good Job Momma  

"I have so many friends that have adopted in the past and you are right, it is a beautiful thing. I love how you have taken your own story and turned it into being an advocate for other families like your own. Your own story is so compelling and I love that you continue to share this daily."
Chris, From Dad of Divas 


"This post is beautiful.  As you mentioned in your last link, I have a friend that is going through great pains right now to try and adopt, and I am constantly trying to think of ways to help her.  It's such a beautiful thing, and it helps out so many people.  It's great that you were adopted so early in your life.  I have heard horror stories about kids getting older in orphanages, and the quality of their lives.  If I EVER win the lottery, one of the first things I am doing is adopting.  The hard part will be limiting myself.  I never understood why Angelina Jolie adopted so many times, until I started helping LouAnn.  This was a great post, and you can tell that it really came from your heart."
Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream