You can't win them all... Deal with it.

www.icescreammama.com

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another 

with no loss of enthusiasm – Winston Churchill

I am a mom of three sporty boys and my husband is a dedicated coach. We spend every weekend and countless days of the week at the fields, playing one sport or another. Football, baseball, basketball, soccer… you name it, we play it.  

Often, my boys are good, sometimes even great, and I watch from the sidelines glowing from the inside out. There are also the strike-outs and errors that make me cringe and cover my eyes. Some days my kids have 'it'. Some days they don’t. Some games the teams are on fire. Some games they crash and burn.

Yet, at the end of each season, win or lose, everyone gets a trophy.

I don’t understand this at all. I know the kids are all young and impressionable and we want to support and encourage them, blah blah, but since when did a trophy for participation become encouragement?

When I was younger we played sports because we loved to. We didn’t need a trophy as an incentive, nor were they handing them out like candy, and guess what? That was okay.  What’s wrong with “Great season, guys. Next time, we’ll get em!”

What’s wrong with only rewarding the real winners? This ‘everyone wins’ mentality is just ridiculous. Everyone doesn’t win. Welcome to life. 

Losing is not a bad thing. Without losing, there’s no motivation to be better. The only way to achieve success is through failure, yet we are so afraid of this important life lesson. As cliché as it sounds, losing builds character.  And character, if you ask me, is something our young folk seem to be lacking.

Maybe it’s because I grew up in the seventies, that I feel this way. Growing up, I was pretty independent. Generally, I had to be home by dark and not get into any trouble. That’s it. Can you imagine that today? Today, we are the over-protectors, over-schedulers and over-achievers. We watch their every move, give them the best of everything and try to take care of their every need.    

We’re making it too easy for our kids. We shield and protect them from all of life’s struggles, so much so, that we are rewarding them for nothing. Today, it seems, just showing up is an accomplishment. What will they ever strive for, if they have been handed everything on a silver platter with a shiny trophy on top?

And what about the real winners? Anyone ever consider them? You should see them on the field, jumping up and down, shouting with joy. It’s an incomparable feeling to know you accomplished something.

I remember the expression on my son’s face and that of his teammates when their team came in first place in their league.  Elation. Pride. I could cry now remembering those moments. It’s so satisfying and beautiful to see. They won. They were special. They put in a greater effort and played just a little better. For that moment, they were the best and they earned it.

It completely minimizes the winning team’s efforts to be handed the same trophy as everyone else. We have become so politically correct that we are afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings. We need to stop over-estimating the fragility of our childrens' psyches. Our kids won’t break. Let’s give them something to strive for, something that acknowledges that winning is special, and makes the losing teams want it - something symbolic… maybe a trophy?  

Ultimately, sports is about having fun and gaining confidence. The kids learn to play as team, good or bad, they’re in it together. They build friendships and grow skills that will apply throughout their lives.  They will lose, and when they do, we should teach them to brush themselves off and get back in there.  And when they get back in there, they’ll be better for it.

Just because they don’t deserve a trophy doesn’t mean that we don’t support their efforts. I’m there win or lose. We play ball on the lawn. I watch their games. I cheer for their wins. I cry for their disappointments. I don’t see a trophy as support. I see it as an insult, both to the losers and the winners. 

You win some. You lose some. That’s the way it is. Better luck next time, kid. Try harder. Get back in there. Don’t give up. The sooner kids learn that, the better.

Winning is far from everything, but it is definitely something. If one of my boys gets a trophy, I want it to mean something. And I want my other boys to look at it and want it too. We’ve been the losers and we’ve been the winners, both are important learning and growing experiences, but only one of them merits a trophy.

I will not let anything get in the way of me
and my competitive enthusiasm to win. — MICHAEL JORDAN

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From the Judges:

This is a HUGE issue for me, too! I hate that everyone is a winner these days just for showing up. You did this topic justice. There were a couple of grammar errors, but nothing that really stood out. Good job!
-Pinwheels and Poppies

I am totally with you on this. My wife still insists on letting my youngest win Candyland because he hates losing. Me? I try to beat him everytime we play anything. Kids won't know what it's like to win until they actually lose, and society today won't let that happen. Everyone is a winner. It's stupid.

That being all said, I thought this was a totally safe choice that I have seen done way too much. I think I actually wrote one if these too. It could all be summed up in the paragraph with all the cliches, this too was cliche.

Maybe it's the fact I just got home from vacation, but I needed something more out of you.
-Daddy's in Charge?

You are responsible for writing my favorite line of the week: "The only way to achieve success is through failure, yet we are so afraid of this important life lesson." Your argument is clear and forceful. I enjoyed it, and not just because I agree with it.

Two minor critiques: Most of the time your commas can be replaced with periods. When in doubt, look to start a new sentence when you can. Makes each point even more forceful. And I thought you could have wrapped it up sooner. It got a little repetitive to me at the end.

But you're obviously so fired up about this - and rightfully so - that I can forgive that second one. Overall, very good job of writing with passion about something YOU have experienced. That's what people want to read.
-Daddy Knows Less

I think this is a great post, and one with which I can wholeheartedly agree. I definitely think that the "everyone wins" mentality is not a good one, but I find that more often than not I am in the minority with that opinion. As for the post, I noticed a couple of errors (and maybe some funky formatting issues) but they didn't take away from the overall intent. I think you did a really nice job on this one.
-Non-Stop Mom

I like that you chose to write about this. It's something we all need to realize -- that we can't just shield our kids from failure because it happens. I think parents shouldn't prevent kids from losing but we should teach them how to handle it and how to rise from it. This is a good post but there may be some parts that you can do without to make it more concise.
-Bay Area Mommy

This is such an important issue, and I absolutely agree with you. Always winning, or being rewarded for almost winning, takes away from the value and life lessons that go along with real achievement. Failure does build character, and it teaches us how to modify our behaviors and actions in order to meet our goals.

Overall, this was well-written and formatted. I noticed a few punctuation issues; however, they were not glaring and did not make me lose interest in your piece. You did a good job of stating your points without going on a rampage, which is also appreciated. I find that I respect the individuals that can argue their points while being respectful of others, and you did this. Thanks for writing about such an important topic. It was a pleasure to read.
-Conversate is not a word and other abuses of the English language (guest judge)