Growing up is for BABIES.

Fun, fun, think about fun, you know what it is!

I hate myself for quoting that, but, really, Rebecca Black couldn’t have said it better.

Fun. I know what it is. Furthermore, I am fantastic at having it.

I’m also great at prescribing fun, so if I could have any career I wanted, other than playing the dead victim on the medical examiner’s table on NCIS or any of the CSIs (read my post on that), I would be a fun consultant.

Now, I’m a person who can’t take her own advice, which means nothing sounds good to me when I’m on the couch whining about how I’m bored… But trust me when I say that if you said you were bored, and if you put yourself into my hands and were willing, I could come up with plenty of fun things for you to do. And you would enjoy them. Or else.

As a Fun Consultant (or Consultant of Fun), I’d have a website. Colorful business cards. An office. It’d be in a treehouse or a tower, but it’d be an office nonetheless. I’d write with nothing but scented markers, and use nothing but funny-shaped Post-It Notes in every color of the rainbow for paper. I’d have a commercial advertising my hotline for those suffering from boredom: Call or text the word “desperate” to 1-800-SOS-BORD. That’s 1-800-767-2673. Standard text messaging rates apply.

If you visited my website, you’d find lists of literary, movie, and music recommendations. Games. Coloring pages. Printable stickers. Recipes. Categories of activities for every situation and every mood.

For example, what if you were feeling creative? Perhaps you could write a letter. Tie a fleece blanket. Cook a meal. Paint your nails. Bake a treat. Make a countdown paper chain. Write down a wish and tie it to a balloon and release it to the universe. Put together a time capsule. I’d suggest going to the nearest park and making some art with sidewalk chalk. You never know, maybe Mary Poppins will show up and take you on a Jolly Holiday.

How about something active? If you called me, I’d tell you how to get theeee BEST Slip ‘n’ Slide for your money. All you’d need is the biggest, longest roll of painter’s plastic. The tallest, most manicured grassy hill possible. A large group of friends. Someone who can turn on the sprinklers. Dish soap (optional). Wear your duds, because this is what will happen to your rear end when you come to the end of the plastic:

Maybe you want to go to a movie or a concert, but you’re penniless? I'd let you in on a little secret. Go for a ride on public transportation (free if you're lucky) or situate yourself on a park bench, because people-watching is better than the movies. Plus, if you have your iPod, then you can have your movie and your concert. And you can bring your own snacks.

You’d also have the option to have a random activity sent to you via text, email, or the Random Activity generator on my awesome website.

Possible random activities:

• Go to the thrift store and put together the ugliest outfit you can find. Then wear it to Walmart. At Walmart, buy the weirdest thing you can for under five dollars. After that, while still wearing your ugly thrift store outfit, make your own infomercial for the weirdest thing you bought. Post it on YouTube. 
• Break out the BSB and the *NSYNC and have yo’self a dance party.
• Do a photo scavenger hunt. 
• Go on a midnight hike during a full moon. Watch out for werewolves. Especially ones with abs.

You may think most of these things are incredibly immature and unrealistic due to the worldly demands to which we, as adults, must cater. They are. But in my dream world, when people are too serious, they'll recognize it, and they'll ask someone like me to teach them how to be goofy, immature, fun-loving, childlike, and unrealistic again. And they'll be willing to pay heaps (i.e. a reasonable consulting fee) to learn. Because I am very good at it.

So there you have it.

When I grow up, I just want to be a kid.

Call me, Peter Pan.

http://chezprez.blogspot.com


Judges Comments:


"Talk about a fun occupation, LOVE it! You really thought this through and I can tell that your passion for this comes through daily as well!"
Chris, from Dad of Divas 

"A fun consultant! That's what the world needs. I love the level of detail that you put in your post, from concept to execution, your purpose and role is clear. You may be on to something here... "
Random Girl, from Random Girl Blogs

"You know.... in an abstract kind of way, you could turn 'fun consultant' into daycare owner....lol.  Or babysitter. Maybe it's the mom in me, but reading this, all I could think about was 'I would love to have this chick watching my kids!'  This is definitely a dream job if I've ever heard one...lol.  Great post. "
Heather, from My Husband Ate All My Ice Cream