A Change of Heart

www.martinisandminivans.com

My grandmother asked me to end her life. She was ninety two years old and was suffering from congestive heart disease and Alzheimer’s. She was living a life that she never wanted to live. Ever since she was 70 years old she would tell my family that she didn’t expect to live another year. It wasn’t that she was depressed or unhappy back then, she just wanted to leave the world without any pain or suffering. Unfortunately, that wasn’t up to her.

I grew up having my grandmother live in the apartment above my home. She lived there until the day she passed this past May. Losing her was like losing my own mother. However, worse than losing her was watching her suffer.

The day she asked me to take her life she was suffering from extreme uneasiness and pain. She told me that she didn’t want to live like this anymore and asked if there something I could give her to make her leave this world. I told her that I couldn’t do that, I didn’t have the strength. However, it started me thinking about those who do have the strength. A recent case in the UK has the issue of euthanasia back in the news (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-19284756) and doctors are risking their own careers to take a stand for those suffering.

Before my grandmother passed, I would say that I was firmly against euthanasia, but watching a loved one unable to go to the bathroom anymore or even be able to feed themselves changes you. It makes you long for peace for that person.

I can remember holding my grandmother up in the shower in those last weeks of her life and wondering if there was something I could do to ease her suffering. I tried telling her that it was ok to let go, I tried rubbing her head and stroking her face, I tried talking to her and attempting to make her smile, but none of it worked. She still suffered and I felt helpless.  I now understand euthanasia is a new way. I understand that when people feel helpless sometimes they turn to someone else for any sort of relief – to do the things they can’t bring themselves to do. I don’t think it is playing God, I think it is bringing the inevitable a bit closer.

I can remember when my grandmother was brought into hospice. I watched my mother struggle with having to make the decision to admit her until a nurse sat her down and told her that it was time. It was time to let go and let someone help her with her final days. As soon as that nurse said that to my mother, I saw the anxiety on my mother’s face start to disappear and I realized that she now felt a peace about the decision. That’s what I think euthanasia can be – a release of all the negative emotions surrounding death – a chance to find peace.

There will be those who raise the argument of who are we to determine someone’s life or death. To those people I beg you to think about the person you love most in this world. The person who held you when you cried over a silly boy or the person who hugged you so tight on your wedding day you thought you would explode. Then think about them dying. Think about watching their pain and anguish every day. If someone could offer them peace, wouldn’t you want that for them?

This is how I like to remember her...

 

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Judges Comments:

You actually made me tear up. This was such a well-written, personal, and emotional piece. The picture of your grandmother at the end really did hit home, and bring it home. I agree with the first two judges that a line or two about the euthanasia debate itself would have been helpful. Perhaps you were afraid that would slow down a piece that was otherwise taking us down an emotional path. But one or two lines here or there wouldn't have hurt. Still, I didn't expect the reaction I had when I saw the topic in the first paragraph, and that says a lot. Very, very good.

-From Daddy Knows Less

Euthanasia in the UK does seem to be somewhat of a hot topic as of late... At least in the few articles that I read separately from this. There was no rule that we had to focus our attention to North America. Sure when reading this I would have like more of a discussion about Euthansia, but I think when people read this they will only focus on the beautiful relationship you had with your grandmother. You will definitely win votes for that alone. Good job.

-From Daddy's In Charge?

I can really hear your voice in this piece. But I also needed a more factual discussion of euthanasia as a public issue. More about that link to the story in the UK, for example. Thank you for sharing your grandmother's story with us.

-From The Klonopin Chronicles (Guest Judge)

This was a very well-written piece. I could feel the emotions that you were trying to convey and felt that you did a great job in that aspect. But at the same time, the instructions for this week said to "pick a news-worthy hot topic, write about it, and give your feelings about it." What I took from this piece was simply your feelings for your grandmother, but not about euthanasia as a policy in general. I assume that you would support it, but you didn't talk about the legalities of it or things like that.

Well written, but I think with a bit more discussion specifically about euthanasia, you could have truly nailed the assignment.

-From Non-Stop Mom

This was indeed a well-written post, but as the other judges have said, it focused more on your grandmother and not on the topic of euthanasia.
It was lovely and emotional and I could tell that you were truly speaking from your heart and your painful experience, but it did nothing to really draw me into the subject.
Overall a good post, just not exactly on topic.

-From Pinwheels and Poppies

Great post! I almost teared up reading it. I love how you got me reading every single word without getting bored. That's because I could sense that you were writing with passion. Like Honey Badger Press, I like this better than just presenting facts because this is meant to be a post on a blog and not a news website. And that means I need to feel that there's actually a person behind all these words. Great job!

-From Bay Area Mommy

I got it immediately that you were expressing yurself personally to draw attention to ethunasia. I actually appreciate this style of topic advocacy more than I do facts, facts and more facts. It takes more energy and careful consideration to share a personal experience than it does to Google some facts and weave around them. Well written, well shared and you have picqued my interest in the topic. I would want the peace in knowing I have this choice.

-From Honey Badger Press